


Sunflowers field

by DumbWoojae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 15:32:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DumbWoojae/pseuds/DumbWoojae
Summary: Taeil falls in love with death





	Sunflowers field

How it happened and the complexity of the whole situation in general is nothing but pure white noise in the back of Jaehyun’s head –He doesn’t care, why should he? And then, he probably should.

 

The severity of the situation he was stuck in is nothing that can be described in words, a circumstance so grave and dangerous would place a stone of uneasiness and worry into one’s chest –if he could feel anything it would, anyway.

 

Yet, no matter whatever anyone at any rank of life or non-life says, it was only fated to happen. Easy like that. There was nothing Jaehyun could have done about it, not even when he needed to, not even _if_ he had wanted to, because their situation was already discussed and decided by the upper hand, Jaehyun knew from the very beginning he had no option, that his complains and efforts would be useless and that disaster would happen no matter how hard he thought otherwise and acted against it.

 

So instead, he let it happen.

 

It was easy and smooth and gratifying, like cold water sliding through your fingers in a hot day, yet it was difficult and harsh, full of consternation, like the halter around your neck, choking you until you can’t breathe.

 

It was a mess, the biggest mess he has ever gotten himself into, but still, he enjoyed it while he could.

 

It’s been eons since Jaehyun gave up in trying to understand humans and their complexity, how they seem to be happy about everything, yet sad, yet angry, yet scared, yet excited. It made his head spin, thinking about such facts, about how something so simple as a human life, so fragile and ephemeral, could be at the same time so tough, so problematic.

 

For him, humans are the biggest paradox.

 

It might be a bit unnecessary to say at this point that Jaehyun tries his best not to get attached to them, not to interact with them, no matter how fascinating they are –the simple idea of humans, sometimes, frustrates him, makes him feel like he needs to rest despite no, he doesn’t ever need to rest–, however, it's not the first time Jaehyun fails in the task. And he is positive it won’t be the last either, but he can’t help himself. Humans and their complexities, they are way too fascinating.

 

Nevertheless, it is the first time he got attached _that way._

 

He was once human –there are five deaths, each older than the last one and just one of them, the original one, was never a human. Jaehyun just happens to be the third, stuck in the middle, not necessarily old (not if you compared him to the first two, at least) yet obviously not _young_ , even if he looks like he is– even so, he doesn’t remember how was it to be, who he was before, how his life was like, or how is it to feel anything much.

 

The last was, at least, until he met Taeil.

 

The first image that crosses Jaehyun’s mind when he sees Taeil’s face in an enormous field of sunflowers, the yellow and green as vivid as the blue sky above them and the breeze violent yet in a kind way, moving them softly but harshly from a side to another. A stark contrast, and Jaehyun is fascinated.

 

He is always fascinated by humans, their soft flesh, how they are all so different and beautiful in all shapes and forms –the boss really took his work seriously, and he really did it all with tenderness–, how they all could be so full of love and at the same time so full of hate, humanity, life itself, is ambivalent, a constant contradiction. But Taeil was different, captivated Jaehyun in a different way, and he somehow couldn’t resist to him, he was pulled to Taeil like magnetos to iron, as said before, it was probably unstoppable no matter what.

 

So he let himself fall, knowing full well the disaster it’d cause, knowing full well the quantity of hours, minutes and seconds this human had, knowing full well the reason of his death, knowing full well that if Taeil ever found out about what Jaehyun was he’d probably run away, hate him, abhorrence him.

 

Still, he found himself following Taeil around like a lost child. How funny, because to him all humans are children, often when picking them up Jaehyun would try to put an expression as soft as he could, he’d reach his hand and say “ _come here my child, this person or the other has been waiting for you for so long, they’ll be happy to see you”_ and then take the small soul by the part they reached to him –not really a hand, not really anything corporeal, simply a part of the soul, yet humans kept the images of their bodies on their minds even after death and even if all Jaehyun saw was a shapeless white figure, they perceived themselves as how they were when they where children, small and fragile. It was just ironic how roles changed, twisted into what they were then, when he and Taeil did not even talk and he reduced his actions to – _how do humans call it? Stalk?_

 

Then it happened, unstoppable as it was, Taeil got close to where Jaehyun was, sat next to him on the high stall in the bar and talked to him nicely.

 

“I’ve seen you around, yet we haven’t been introduced” He said, voice soft as cotton, hair fluffy as clouds, smile as bright as a field of sunflowers, “My name is Taeil, what is your name?”

 

“I’m Jaehyun” He responded right away, because death is obedient, and there were little things he could deny to humans when they asked him to. Even less for this human in particular.

 

“Is nice to meet you, Jaehyun” Taeil reached his hand, that was soft, warm and pleasant against Jaehyun’s own, “should I invite you a drink?”

 

“No, please, let me invite you instead” He said.

 

Taeil, bright as he was, wasn’t really in the best economical position. He had three jobs, but they were all part time, they all left him tired to death –pun intended– and none of them brought money enough for him to live properly. He had a major in music, Jaehyun found out that night, he had been on the top 3 of his class, sadly though, music doesn’t really pay bills instead you’re the luckiest motherfucker on earth, or so Taeil said.

 

Jaehyun on the other hand had a more than nice amount of money he rarely got to use, he was death after all, why does death need money? And why do humans keep on leaving more and more money on their graves? Their myth of him asking for money so he would bring them to the other side is absolutely ridiculous, but he takes the money nonetheless, and uses it if the situation commands him to.

 

There is no use to explain how they fell into each other, it is probably impossible to explain anyway, they fell like normal humans do, even if Jaehyun is not a human, even if his heart isn’t really beating, even if he isn’t supposed to be able to feel anything at all. He does.

 

His chest feels heavy and tight for his internal organs, and his anatomy in general feels funny in a very human-ish way, he feels alive, which for death, it’s actually pretty dangerous.

 

Jaehyun rented an apartment just so he could invite Taeil over, to spend time with him without it having to be on a public place on in Taeil’s own much smaller place, because the later always insisted on how embarrassed he was, even if for Jaehyun –who doesn’t really own a house, because there is no use anyway since he doesn’t even need to sleep if he doesn’t want to– there is nothing to be embarrassed about.

 

“This place is so nice” Taeil had said, turning and turning so he could see the expanse of Jaehyun’s apartment, “how do you afford this? I’m gonna believe you kill people” Taeil jokes, laughing lightly, but Jaehyun tenses.

 

He doesn’t, in fact, kill people –people die on their own, the consequences of their acts or the plans from the upper hand drives them into it, all Jaehyun does is show up and extend his hand to them– yet, Taeil’s comment troubled him. He thought he was acting as a human would, he was nice, the nicest he has ever been to anyone, he got a phone, avoided answering Taeil’s calls and texts at certain hours and told him he was working, ate when he was with Taeil, had a refrigerator full, a big bed, and still, he did not think about how him, as a supposed human, could afford it all.

 

He stood there in silence, awkward with a grimace on his face.

 

“What? Don’t look at me like that” Taeil had said, only half serious, “I’ll believe you kill people for real.”

 

“I don’t kill people” Jaehyun defended himself, feeling a bit offended yet the emotionless typical of his voice revealed nothing, “My family, they have money” He opts for the most simple, and closer to the truth, lie.

 

“Ah” Taeil stressed the sound, “But what do you do?”

 

Jaehyun stopped for a second, considered his options, _what do I do? what would I do if I was a human?_

“I work at home” He said, “I translate documents, through internet.”

 

What a terrible lie, he’s never been half as good creating the lies as he is to lie. He had never used internet before, why would death use internet? But in order to keep up with his lie, he did, he learned as much as he could, so he could stay with Taeil.

 

The human had caught him up, had him wrapped around his fingers, and there was nothing Jaehyun could do about it.

 

“I get you like taking things slow” Taeil said one afternoon, six months after they met, they were lying in Jaehyun’s couch, the smaller man’s chest pressed against Jaehyun’s own while death had his arms wrapped around him, “But I think it’s going too slow.”

 

At first, Jaehyun didn’t get it, what was going too slow? What was Taeil talking about? But then Taeil started kissing him desperately, and Jaehyun got it.

 

They had kissed before, many times and in many situations, they had held hands too, cuddle, taken naps together, and though they never actually labeled their relationship they both knew, there was _something_ , and there were _feelings_ , and no thirds were allowed, so it was alright, it didn’t need to be said. But _that_ was kind of a boundary, though not really.

 

Jaehyun had never even got close to that line, once again, he isn’t a human, he doesn’t necessarily has desires instead he wants to –and he never really had interest in such things, humans got too crazy about them, were willing to hurt each other for them, to kill each other for them, and Jaehyun found them gross and menace-like–, but with Taeil it was different, the desire was there burning inside him like a million fires and it scared him, not being able to control himself, losing to his small human side that had been provided to him just in order to have tact with souls and nothing more, so yes, he was taking things slow, because he was never meant to _take things_ at all.

 

That day, though, was inevitable, like the rest of the situation, and he found himself feeling human again, falling for things humans fall, feeling warm and loved all over, was that how being a human felt like?

 

Taeil sleeping beside him with the early morning light coming through the window framing his face is probably the most beautiful thing Jaehyun has ever seen in the thousands and millions and zillions of years he has lived, the soft light touching his equally soft skin, his face relaxed and peaceful, his sunflower-like hair plastered over his forehead in the cutest way possible.

 

Despite Jaehyun knew it all, he worried about Taeil, worried about his three part time jobs, worried about how tired he was all the time. He knew that wasn’t what was gonna end up killing Taeil, but he couldn’t stop the feeling from blooming on his chest, _like a human._

 

Jaehyun somehow convinced Taeil to quit two of his three jobs, keeping the one that gave him most money in comparison to the other two –Jaehyun was surprised, because between so many arguments like ‘ _you’re always too tired’_ or ‘ _I’m worried it’ll make you sick’, ‘I want to spend more time with you’_ was the one that did the trick.

 

They moved together barely a month afterwards.

 

Taeil moved into Jaehyun’s apartment and they created their little nest of love, warm and soft and sugar-like all over.

 

While Taeil was in his morning shift at a library, Jaehyun worked. _Really worked._

 

Jumping as quickly as he could from a soul to the other, always remembering to be gentle despite sometimes some souls would get stubborn, not wanting to leave, and Jaehyun would have to fight them over in a rush so he could be home before Taeil arrived.

 

It was unexpected how his lie was killing him, having Taeil asking and asking about the documents he translated, how he learned so many languages, why he never did it when Taeil was around.

 

“Because I want to spend all the time I can focusing on you” Jaehyun excused himself, pulling Taeil into a hug and kissing the top of his head.

 

Taeil indulged him for a few beats, kissing his clavicle before pulling back.

 

“Jaehyun” He said, looking up at him, hands cupping the taller’s face lovingly and a soft look on his eyes before he added, “You don’t really translate documents, do you?”

 

Jaehyun’s full body tensed, and the feeling of lack of control over his own self was very foreign. Taeil caressed his cheeks and smiled softly.

 

“It’s okay, love, it’s okay” he reassured, kissing Jaehyun two times to help him relax, it didn’t work.

 

“How did you-”

 

“There have been a few time when I came back early from the library and you weren’t home, so I went to the convenience store or something and when I came back you were here, pretending you never left, that is how I found out” Taeil explained, still caressing Jaehyun’s cheeks and holding the taller’s arms in place when he pulled back. Jaehyun had the feeling that if Taeil knew who was holding him, _what_ was holding him, he would push his arms away instead of wrapping them around himself again.

 

“I- I’m sorry Taeil, I-” His words weren’t working, no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get a sentence straight, it was the first time in Jaehyun’s millions and millions of years when he couldn’t form a sentence, and it was so overwhelmingly stressing he wondered how humans could take it.

 

“It’s okay, Jaehyun, I’m not angry” Taeil said, voice and eyes soft, it was killing Jaehyun even though he can't die, “Not if you don’t kill people, at least” Taeil jokes again, laughing.

 

“I don’t kill people” Jaehyun said, both too fast and too hard to be considered normal under any circumstance. “I help them crossing to the other side, but I don’t kill people.”

 

For a moment, Taeil looked absolutely terrorized, like the main personage in a horror movie when they realize that they just walked into the ghost’s hiding place, and he gave a step back, Jaehyun’s arms still wrapped around his waist despite all.

 

“You… Jaehyun, you what?” Taeil said, looking up at him with furrowed eyebrows, genuine for the very first time and not like when he made sad faces to get what he wanted from Jaehyun.

 

“I’m not a murderer” Jaehyun hurried to explain, letting his arms slip from Taeil’s sides so he could run away if he felt like it, the truth he had been holding back for so long finally about to make his way out of his mouth, “but I’m death.”

 

It sounded utterly ridiculous even to Jaehyun’s ears, which is probably why Taeil laughed with a hand over his mouth and back leaned against the kitchen’s counter, his shoulders looking like someone had just taken the biggest weight off them.

 

“Jesus, Jaehyun, fuck” he said, pushing Jaehyun in the chest halfheartedly, “don’t joke around like that, you almost killed me right here.”

 

“I’m not joking” is everything Jaehyun could muster, frowning as deep as he hadn’t frowned since he met Taeil, “sounds stupid, but I’m really not joking, Taeil, I’m death”

 

Taeil rolled his eyes at him and crossed his arms, looking at him from under his eyelashes in a gesture that made Jaehyun want to kiss the hell out of him.

 

“And I’m the queen, it’s not fucking funny asshole, quit playing.”

 

“Taeil” Jaehyun said, looking at his eyes fixedly and punctuating every word, “I’m not joking, I am death.”

 

Taeil seemed to waver then, uncrossing his arms and staring into Jaehyun’s eyes for a long while, pale and unable to move.

 

“Jaehyun” He started, breathless and scared, “If this is all a joke I’m kicking your ass out of the apartment, you can’t just-”

 

“Taeil” Jaehyun said again, with a stronger voice, making the other curl into himself, becoming even smaller. Jaehyun’s chest ached at the sight, “I’m not joking.”

 

There was a long silence then, Jaehyun kept his distance not wanting to scare the other even more, and simply waited until he reacted.

 

Taeil, in the other hand, was too busy frowning at the floor. He frowned at the floor for a good 20 minutes before looking up at Jaehyun.

 

“You’re death?” He asked, Jaehyun nodded, “But you don’t kill people?”

 

“You humans have a funny concept of death, you think that I just come and take you, but you’re the ones that come to me most of the time, I don’t call souls, souls call me, they say my name again and again and again until I go get them. Sometimes humans cause their own deaths, with cigarettes, alcohol, drugs. Sometimes, you’re unfortunate enough that the upper hand has other plans for you, like sickness or accidents. And sometimes the clock just stops ticking for you, your bodies have limits, and when they can’t keep going then you come to me, but I never really look for you” He explained, looking at the small awed man in front of him, “I don’t chase after human souls, instead, human souls chase after me.”

 

Taeil frowned at the floor for at least ten minutes more before he asked.

 

“But why’s that? Why do we chase after you?”

 

“Because I have the key for peace, to let you rest, to the world you abandoned at first. Without me, you can’t come back, and you know that, all of you.”

 

Taeil took a minute –fifteen more, actually– to rebuilt himself, to pin the pieces of Jaehyun’s explanations that probably sounded like nonsense to him together, and then he pushed himself off the kitchen counter so he was standing steady on his own two feet, and gave a step forwards so he was close to Jaehyun, whose hands were itching to touch him, but he held back.

 

“Why me?” Taeil said then, looking at Jaehyun with force, eyes burning into his inexistent soul, and then he added, “Why did you choose me?”

 

The question didn’t make much sense in Jaehyun’s head, he believed the actual question would be _why wouldn’t you choose me?_ Because really, why would anyone not choose Taeil? He settled for a longer answer though, after deliberating for a few minutes, hoping it satisfied Taeil better.

 

“Humans have always fascinated me” He starts, making sure to look back at Taeil all the while, “You are full of, for the lack of a better word, surprises. I’ve gotten attached here and there” he shrugs, and Taeil’s eyes looked hurt before Jaehyun clarified, “Never like this, though. I mean, at the large of years I’ve met thousands of humans, few of them have captivated me somehow, humans are wild and tender and cruel, all at the same time, and I really can’t help myself but feel attracted to you all in the most innocent way. That lasted of course until I met you, and you made it all spin around, I couldn’t control myself, I felt like a human, I _feel_ like a human whenever you are around, and I’m not even supposed to feel anything at all. I can’t tell you why I chose you because there is not one reason but plenty, I don’t know, you give me the feeling of fresh air, peace and warmth, I don’t know why you, but I know it has to be you” Jaehyun took a breathe, deep and steady before he added, “I fell in love with you, I love you.”

 

It was not the first time he said _I love you_ to Taeil –after 9 months in a relationship it would be weird if he hadn’t–, they said it to each other every morning before Taeil left and every night before falling asleep, and every time they made love, and in an incredible amount of random occasions like when they were brushing their teeth or when they were watching a movie quietly. Yet, it felt different. It was heavier that it would usually be, the words carried a lot more of weight then, when the truth about Jaehyun and his real nature was out, they allowed Taeil to know that even death had a weakness, which happened to be him.

 

Jaehyun was fully expecting Taeil to push him away and call him crazy, to start gathering his things and to leave rushedly, warning Jaehyun not to follow him or he’d call the police. Instead, Taeil wrapped his arms around Jaehyun and hugged himself to him, the closest he could, pushing their bodies together and sandwiching one of Jaehyun’s legs between his own.

 

“I love you too” was all Taeil answered, and they just hugged there for so long Jaehyun lost all sense of time.

 

After the initial shock and wariness had faded, and after Taeil realized that Jaehyun, death or not, was still the same Jaehyun, there wasn’t a day when the jokes about being death’s boyfriend weren’t present, sometimes it was something like “ _there’s this new girl at work who is totally a bitch, can you hear her soul calling? Maybe you should rush her a bit”_ and other days would go like “ _this guy is so annoying, he keeps on flirting with me even though I told him I have a boyfriend, please break the rules and kill him for me sweetheart”_ and then _“No shit Jaehyun I wasn’t serious fucking calm down”_ but overall he was taking the fact that he was dating death fairly well. Spectacular, even.

 

On their first year anniversary Taeil got just a tiny bit drunk, Jaehyun bought a bottle of expensive wine –even though he can’t really get drunk– and since Taeil was a mess handling alcohol he ended up setting their tv to connect with his phone and sang out loud to old fall out boy songs, letting his emo self free.

 

Jaehyun was just leaning against the counter looking at him dance around and sing with burning passion with a content smile that could only reflect pure love for the crazy beautiful boy in front of him. He wishes he was more interested in human’s culture before, so maybe he could've danced and sang along with Taeil, just to make him feel a bit more happy than he already looked.

 

And then, all of a sudden and out of the blue, Jaehyun’s chest started aching, it was so strong he fell on his knees to the floor, with one hand over the cold tiles and the other over his own chest. Taeil rushed to where he was, desperately asking about what was happening.

 

“ _I’ve told you before, kid_ ” a voice said, and Jaehyun recognized him as the original, the inhuman death, the first of them all, “ _how many times do I have to warn you._ ”

 

The anxious feeling, the panic that settled on Jaehyun’s chest, was greater than any pain that can be caused under any circumstance. The original knew, Jaehyun was fucked up, and more importantly, Taeil was fucked up.

 

“Please” Jaehyun muttered under clenched teeth.

 

“Please what love? What’s happening?” Taeil asked, he seemed suddenly sober, and Jaehyun was sad that such a happy night had to be ruined in such a way.

 

“ _Begging will be of no use, you know that_ ” the original said, and tears rolled down Jaehyun’s face.

 

Jaehyun had never cried before, having barely feeling anything but slight curiosity at the length of the years, but no amount of physical pain could compare to the devastating thought of losing Taeil.

 

“Please” Jaehyun sobbed, not really having the strength to form any other words.

 

Taeil’s face was in front of him, his expression one of pure concern and it made Jaehyun’s heart ache even more, so he sobbed harder and repeated and repeated, _please, please, please._

 

“ _You know what you have to do_ ” the original said, “ _and if I find out you disobeyed me, the consequences towards the two of you will be infinite.”_

 

The pain stopped as abruptly as it came, and Jaehyun’s hands found support on the floor while he gasped for air, Taeil rubbed his back and kissed his forehead over and over again, so Jaehyun cried harder.

 

He pushed Taeil so they were both lying on the floor and hugged him to his chest as tight as he could, Taeil didn’t complain and instead hugged him back just as strong, knowing Jaehyun would reveal the information when he was ready.

 

They took a bath and settled in bed, Jaehyun clinging to Taeil like holding onto him for dear life and though Taeil thought he could wait, he had enough.

 

“Aren’t you going to tell me what happened?” he said, nuzzling at Jaehyun’s neck and leaving a single kiss there.

 

Jaehyun kissed his head and pushed him back softly just enough to kiss his lips, and kiss and kiss and kiss until they melted into one. Then, after they caught their breaths, he spoke.

 

“I have to leave” He said, his voice breaking in the middle of the sentence, but he didn’t move to cover his face in case he cried, it felt genuine and human from him to let Taeil know how he felt about leaving his side, even if Jaehyun isn’t human.

 

Taeil froze on his place for what seemed like an eternity until he finally spoke.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’m not supposed to interfere in human lives” Jaehyun explained, his breath a mess, trying not to cry, “We’re not supposed to be a thing.”

 

“And you will just leave like that?” Taeil asked abruptly, rising so he was supporting himself in one elbow, looking at Jaehyun from the heights.

 

“It’s not my decision, Taeil” Jaehyun remarked frustrated, a few drops escaping his eyes, “if I don’t, they’ll take it against you, I can’t let them take it against you, they’re death too.”

 

The room fell silent as both of them fought the tears, Jaehyun losing miserably but Taeil doing a decent job.

 

“I’ll die if you leave me” Taeil said then, falling into Jaehyun’s chest and giving up on his fight against the tears, “I’ll die without you, I’ll die of sadness.”

 

“You won’t love, you won’t” Jaehyun hurried to hush him, kissing his head and rubbing his back comfortably, “you won’t even remember me, there’ll be no pain.”

“I don’t want to forget you” Taeil cried harder into Jaehyun’s chest, “I love you, please, I don’t want to forget you.”

 

Jaehyun buried his face in Taeil’s hair, his tears wetting it all over, he didn’t want Taeil to forget him either.

 

Suddenly, the bright image of a sunflowers field was darker, sky covered by heavy dark clouds pouring mercilessly over the flowers, the wind no longer gentle but purely violent, no sun for the sunflowers, and Jaehyun just hoped they wouldn’t drown.

 

“We don’t have an option” he answered, and listened while Taeil cried himself dry over his chest. “It’s just until you leave and I’ll take you with me. I promise I’ll be the one to take you with me” It’s the last thing Jaehyun whispered against the line of Taeil’s hair.

 

And just like that Jaehyun was driven away from Taeil, that remembered him as a relationship that ended bad with someone whose face he couldn’t even remember anymore. And life, even as death, seemed darker.

 

After Taeil a part of Jaehyun died, probably the only part of him alive –A part, he suspects, was born when he met Taeil. He loses his gentle tone, he loses his everything, there is no more “ _come here my child_ ” and instead it’s “ _if you called I’m here, now come before I leave”_ , the original told him, again and again and over again how it was all his fault.

 

“ _Told you not to get involved with humans, you know how dangerous they can be. Remember you are no longer a human, you’re death. Death. You take them, that’s it, you don’t feel, you don’t love.”_

 

But Jaehyun loves, he loves Taeil more than he will ever love anything else, but it’s because he loves Taeil that he stayed away.

 

And so, he watched his beautiful sunflower grow and grow and grown and wilt and, eventually, die.

 

And when the day comes he’s there, just like he promised, to hold a hand out with his kindest, most genuine smile and say “ _come, love, it’s me, I’m here for you again, I never left.”_

**Author's Note:**

> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/dumbwoojae)   
>  [Twitter](https://twitter.com/DumbWoojae)


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